Wednesday, November 4, 2009


"Ugh, i feel like i've been hit by a freight train," i groaned.
Ana just laughed. "No you don't. If you felt that bad, you wouldn't want to eat."
"I don't want to eat," i lied, but her glare silenced me. "Give me a binge day, Ana."
"NO! What the hell do you think that that would help? No. No. And again i'll say it: NO!"
"Please, i feel like shit."
"Shit doesn't eat."
"Ana... You know what i mean."
"But i don't care," she said in a matter-of-fact tone.
"I'm too tired to not eat--and i just woke up. I can't go through the whole day this tired."
"What, are you weak?"
"Yes, dammit!"
We went on arguing like that for the better part of a half hour, during which time i refused to take my diet pill. "I just want to eat normally for one day," was my reasoning.
"You don't know how to eat normally. You can only restrict or binge; there is no normal for you," Ana argued. "If i give you your 'normal' day, you'll turn it into a binge day."
I sighed. That was why i'd started out asking for a binge day. Now i was willing to budge a bit and make it a day of normal eating instead of a binge. "I'll try really hard not to," i promised. "You can help me."
"I'm not helping you with that; you're on your own," Ana told me and stomped out the door, her stomps barely making any noise because she was so tiny... I wanted that, but, alas, the peanut butter jar was calling my name. I sighed and obeyed it's voice, feeling guilty the entire time.


  1. Who would win in a fist fight, Ana or C?

  2. hey ana's girl...
    i just wanted to say thanks for your wonderful comments and for following me. thanks also for providing an interesting take on everything. i'm deleting my blog - it's time.
    take care of you... and try not to be so hard on yourself.
    big hugs.

  3. I know exactly how you're feeling. It's awful.
    I remember fasting one day, and the next morning I felt hungover and sick and like somebody kicked my ass when I was sleeping. I was crawling on my knees, and I couldn't even drink water without heaving. Some days just turn out like that, and it fucking sucks.

    I can't seem to find balance at all. I'm scared to try eat normal, because it always turns in to a binge.

    Take it easy, and breathe.

  4. Yum, Ana would totally win. She's so much stronger. C is just a weak fatling that sits on her ass and eats all day. Lol.