Well my computer's been being a shit, so i haven't been on in what seems like forever! I missed you guys so much.
102 followers! That's amazing. I love you all so much! I was planning on doing something special when i reached 100 but it flew by too fast, so i'm gonna do something special since i've reached 102. Guess you'll just have to wait till my next post to see what that is, huh? ;)
Anyways, as far as eating goes, it's been going.... HORRIBLE! I don't know what ever happened to my control, but i need to get it back. I'll go all day without eating, and then put a little bit of something in my mouth. "That's all i'll eat today" i tell myself, but it ends up in a full blown binge! I'm sooo fat i can't stand it. I'm seriously going to start ABC tomorrow (because, even though it's early in the day, i've already screwed today up), and i'm going to STICK WITH IT. I'm going to start blogging as i normally do again too. I've gotten off track, but i'm going to get back on right away. Forget the depression-induced binge eating. I can turn depression into a reason NOT to eat. I can do it. I've done it before. You all know that; i know that. We've all seen that i can get to the point where i can see my ribs. I'm going to get to that point again.
My friend Rita came over the other day to cheer me up, and dammit, she is so skinny! The first thing i noticed was her collarbones, then she stretched and i noticed a clear outline of her ribcage. She's freakin' gorgeous too. I need to get that skinny again. She's my new thinspo.
On the topic of new thinspos, i sneaked out to see Matt last night. I told my parents that i had to work to 10 when i only had to work to 8 and went over to his place. That boy is the most beautiful creation in the entire world! We made love and it was amazing, but i felt fat, and i kept running my hands over the ribs i could see on him. Hope he didn't think i was being weird. Lol. He's so beautiful and skinny and i'm so damn fat and ugly! New thinspo: must get skinny and pretty for Matt. He deserves someone skinnier and better than me.
Ok enough of my rants. I'm done eating for the day, and i promise to post that special post celebrating my 102 followers tonight when i get home from work. I'm in a surprisingly chipper mood. Maybe it's because i know i'm going to start doing well again? Wish me luck. Love love love love you all :) Hugs and kisses to everyone. Stay strong and hungry