Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Confessions of a Cow

"Dammit," i murmured, staring at the nutrition information on the computer screen.
Ana shrugged. "We both knew it wasn't going to be good."
"A pleasant surprise never hurt anyone. Mercy on us all, what do you even have to put in coffee to make it 180 Calories?!"
She shrugged again. "Only God knows, sweetie. After all, it's McDonald's."
I nodded my agreement. McDonald's was one scary-ass place. Who could even begin to imagine what all they did to their food and drinks?
"Ah well, at least you were able to talk her out of buying you that 240 Cal iced mocha," Ana said with surprising cheerfulness.
I groaned. "I just hate it when my aunt tries to be nice... It always involves high Calorie crap."
"You did well, given the situation," Ana told me, leaving a peck on my cheek. "Just have a 70 Cal salad for dinner tonight, and you'll be fine. I gotta run, but you know i'll be right back."
I gave her a tight squeeze of a hug and whispered, "ok, bye," as she floated weightlessly out the door.
"Heeey girl," an almost familiarly menacing voice hissed in my ear.
I bit my tongue and tried not to curse when i spun around to see its owner staring me in the face with huge, empty eyes. "Oh... C," i whined. "Go away."
"Why are you so afraid of me?" she asked with a laugh. "I'm quite friendly."
"That's the problem," i answered, my voice little more than a squeak.
Her tone became seductive as she put a greedy hand on my shoulder. "Come darling; let's feast."
"What? No!"
"Oh come on. It won't hurt a thing. You're already over the amount of Calories you planned on having for the day. A few more will make no difference." Her voice was breathy and smooth, lilting and beautiful, and oh so convincing.
"Ana will kill the both of us," i tried to refuse her.
"Only if she finds out." C winked at me and shoved the cereal box at me. "You know you want to."
My stomach growled in agreement with her. I shook my head. "No, no, no," i said weakly, but i was already pouring milk over the cereal C had poured into a big breakfast bowl for me. She smiled demonically and handed me a spoon. I shoveled the cereal into my mouth mechanically and then ate more of the unsafe foods she pushed at me. She was laughing, chattering away, and happily stuffing her face; i was wasting no time and just stuffing my face. The more i ate, it seemed, the hungrier i got.
But then something amazing happened: my body objected. My stomach sent me running from the kitchen to the bathroom at top-speed, laving a half-finished cookie resting on the counter-top. (C polished it off for me though.)
"Shit," she shouted and bolted for the door. "Ana's back," she warned, but i was too busy emptying my stomach to care.
I heard crashing, rattling, and C screaming out in the kitchen, but didn't care to find out what Ana had done to her. Then Ana was by my side, stroking my back, brushing the hair out of my face. "You'll not be seeing C again," she promised. "I've got too strong a hold on you now."
And for some oddly masochistic reason, that made me smile.


  1. Well isn't that lucky! Sorry you got sick though. : (

  2. C is a bitch! :P
    Sucks that you were sick too :\
    Stay strong, hon! You can do it!

  3. Keep up the strength! We all need Ana's tight grip and comfort! :)

  4. I hate that hungry voice! :( C gets to me!!!

  5. Ugh Mc Donald's the smell driving by induces vomiting. Aw hope your tummy feels better. have some diet ginger ale!

  6. Ew C should be murdered! And like everyone said, sorry you were sick ): hope you feel better! And also, thank you for the kind comment, it really helps (:

  7. I just found your blog, and I'm lovin' it!
    Your story format makes it so interesting to read.

    ♥ skinny love

  8. Aww, hope you are better. xx

  9. i love the way you write

    i wouldn't eat at mcdonalds on principle but maybe you could suggets other ways for your aunti to be nice? That way she gets to have a happy feeling and you don't have to worry about calories.