Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Finally Back!

"Oh you glorious, lovable girl, you!" Ana giggled, hugging me. "You really have come back to me. I must admit i had my doubts. You've started out so many days telling me you'll listen to me only to end them by binging. But this one was different. You really did listen to me all day!"
I smiled proudly and squeezed her back. "I saw the truth this morning," i told her, losing my smile at the memory. I'd looked in the mirror and seen myself as Ana saw me, fat, worthless, fat, disgusting, and did i mention fat!? It was horrid. I couldn't believe i'd let myself go so far; i couldn't believe that i'd thought i could be happy without listening to Ana.
"Well it's about time," she replied. "I'm just glad you're back to being good. You did so very well today"
"Sorry there was no time to work out," i apologized to change the subject because i didn't feel worthy of her praise. I'd strayed too far and grown to fat to deserve any praise just yet. When i was thin, then she could praise me, but not before that.
She waved her hand in a dismissive motion. "Oh, that's fine. Today was just a single step in the right direction. Tomorrow you'll absolutely have to work out, and do well food-wise. But today was a success, even without the workout because you finally listened to me! You are going to keep that up, aren't you?"
"Of course, Ana," i answered. "I'm back to stay."


  1. I'm glad you had a good day hun. And don't beat yourself up about yesterday. Think of it as now you have more energy to do even better this time. Look forward. I believe you'll do fine your so strong :) !

  2. I love those days. It sucks that you finally realize "i'm fat" because you aren't and you aren't worthless. But! When you can turn it into the right direction, instead of a binge(as I often do) its glorious. keep it up!

  3. Good job on the good day! And good luck with the future days! And thanks for the comment (:

  4. Good job today! : )

    I'm with you on needing to exercise! I haven't since school started because I'm too damn tired. Ick.

  5. Oh doesnt it just feel good to get a good fast in. I always feel so accomplished