Friday, September 4, 2009

I'm a Let-Down...

Ok, so this isn't going to be in story form... That's probably a let down since everyone loves how my posts are usually in story form. I do apologize.

Another let down: i organized that whole plan, stuck to it for a day and then failed today, the second day... I'll restart it tomorrow and i'll get through it, but ugh, why can't i do anything right the first time?!

Let down #3. I binged... I swear i ate one (or two in some cases) of everything on the forbidden foods list. It was all emotional eating, which is the worst, most out of control kind of eating there is too. See, my dad decided it'd be great to ground me for an entire month for wrecking the car, even though it wasn't my fault. FML! I responded by eating the entire kitchen. I'm so stupid. How in the world is binging like that going to help anything?! But i did it anyway.

And once again, i'm stressing massively about losing my boy, for no reason at all. I guess i'm just paranoid that with not being able to see him for a month, he'll find someone else... I dunno. He's given me no reason whatsoever to think that; i just have such awful separation anxiety. I'm praying and praying all these unintelligible prayers that consist of "please, God, don't let me lose him," repeated over and over... I need mental help!!!

I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry i didn't write in an interesting format. I'm sorry i failed my extremely well organized, inspiring plan. I'm sorry i binged. I'm sorry i'm psycho. I'm sorry this post is such a downer... Please forgive me. Please?

Well, i'm fat and ugly and depressed and tired now, so i might go to bed... or i might stay up a bit longer and try to make up for my crappy post by posting some lovely thinspo for you all... We shall see.

Anyways, i truly do love you all; you mean the world to me... Don't leave me, will you? Promise? :(


  1. oh hun you aren't a downer :) we are here for you. i'm sorry about being grounded, that isn't fun. you have to find your inner strength. I was bingeing for MONTHs. I gained like 20 pounds. I struggled to lose weight and then keep it down. i don't know where it switched but finally i was able to have some control. i tried to picture myself, or if someone were to be watching me chew/spit, binge/purge. I wasn't even eating a 'normal' amount of food, i was overeating, abusing laxatives. Unhappy as fuck. I think my biggest control came when I started on my meds. I was finally able to control my emotions, and think straight. keep in there hun. we're here for you, as you are here for us

  2. Of course we're not gonna leave you! You are my thinspiration...really.

    I'm sorry you're grounded...but don't worry honey, your guy will be fine. How can he not be with such a lovely person?!
    And its okay to make mistakes. Everyone does.

    Don't worry, I love you, we all do.
    Stay strong.

  3. Babe, your not a downer.
    I binged too. Your not alone.
    I'm sure your boy is decent enough to realise that he shouldn't let you go. Your so sweet.
    Parents always fuck things up.. Lame.

    We can do this hon.
    I'd never leave you. Your one of the most inspiring blogs there is. I truely mean that!
    Stay strong! Think thin!!

    (Ps. Thanks for your comment, it's made me motivated! Hope this can do the same.

  4. For some reason when I binge, I feel like I'm not only spiting myself, but everyone around me. Like, 'look at me, I'm going to be fat and miserable because I hate you'. It is a stupid thing to think. If you still have the net, can't you talk to Matt on msn or whatever? Or just get him to come to your window in the dead of night, Romeo and Juliet stylee.
    What did happen to the car? Lol xxx

  5. Never, never, never will we leave you.

    We are here, through the good, the bad, the fat, and the ugly. And we will continue to be here until you're a beautiful swan.

    Graceful, pure, thin, beautiful.

    Stay strong,

  6. heyy we all have crappy days/weeks/months sometimes. don't worry about being a long as you keep writing you aren't failing anyone. there's always tomorrow to try again. stay strong :)

  7. hey don't put yourself down like that. you are an amazing person and you are such a thinspiration to everyone.
    remember you are only human, not a robot. humans fuck up, but only special humans know how to not let a little mistake bring them down. they get up and forget anything ever went wrong. they are the strong ones. and you are one of them.
    i read your blog everyday and i know you are not a failiure. you are strong and you know it. just beilive it hun.
    all my love

  8. Baby! We will never ever leave you. I get like that too, all paranoid about ridiculous things. Just dont believe it, he wont meet anyone else. It'll be fine. I promise :)
    And shut up about this being a 'let down' post, these ones are just as interesting, silly :)

    Love you, and good luck for tomorrow xx

  9. We won't leave you!

    Everyone goes through hard times, and even if that punishment is completely unfair, you'll survive. And we'll be there to support you!

    And don't worry about your boy. Anyone would be crazy to leave you! You're such a great and beautiful person.

    Stay strong! You're beautiful!

  10. You're not a failure. Nobody is mad or upset with you (except maybe your self).

    Relax Girly! You're fine. You are doing fine.

    The bf adores you, there is no reason for him not to! Parents are unreasonable-it's sucks but why fight what you are powerless over?

    You recognized that you binged cuz you were emotional. Now be proactive. What can you do instead? Or what are safer/less guilty foods to binge on? Eat 19 pounds of veggies/fruits? Impossible. You'll get full. But 40 pounds of chips/cookies/junk? Totally doable, and guiltiful. It's some flaw in physics or something.

    I'm glad that you did this post. It's HEALTHY to vent to get it all out of you. Dwelling and bottling is Bad News Bears.

    Feel Better Luv!


  11. You said yourself, sometimes you just need a good cry :)