Saturday, September 5, 2009

Khaki Pants

"Why are you in such a bad mood?" my mom asked me as we browsed the racks of pants in a random department store.
"I dunno," i mumbled. "Maybe i just need caffeine." That was a lie. Well, maybe not completely, i was missing my caffeine, but i did know why my mood was so raunchy. I'd been in and out of a dozen different fitting rooms with two and a half dozen pairs of pants--khaki pants, nonetheless, because that's what i'd be required to wear at my new job. Nothing fit. The binge of the night before had been awful. I was too fat for everything, and the light color made my thighs look enormous.
"Oh," my mom answered absently. "There's the fitting room."
"Great," i said with sarcasm and entered the place of doom with Ana at my side. I slid out of my jeans and sighed, staring at the stack of khakis that lay on the bench. I carefully picked up the smallest ones, my stomach filling with pure dread. Those weren't going to fit... But i tried anyway. "Fucking pants," i cursed and threw them across the room when my suspicions were verified.
"Hey, now," Ana reprimanded, picking them up and folding them neatly. "There's no cause for that. It's not the pants' fault, after all."
"Yeah, thanks. You're so encouraging."
She sniffed. "Well, i'm not the one who decided to get angry at the world and binge last night, now am i?"
I ignored her and grabbed the biggest size out of the pile. I slipped into them easily, but noticed a slight muffin top. "Good enough," i growled and changed back into my own pants.
"Find some?" my mom asked.
"Yeah," i shouted over my shoulder as i stomped toward the check out line. "I hate being fat," i grumbled to Ana, wondering if the check out girl would look at the size on those pants.
Ana didn't respond, and the check-out girl didn't say anything about the size, but i knew deep down that both of them were thinking "Why don't you lose some weight, fat-ass?"


  1. Ohh im so sorry to hear you had a bad day, i also hateee giving the clothes to the cashier knowing that they'll see the size, i always try to go to the fattest person possible, hoping they'll be less judgemental..
    Shopping sucks.

  2. i hate buying clothes.
    it's just awkward isn't it?

  3. Who invented khaki pants anyway..? they're the worst colour for me. don't worry hun, you'll be back on track soon and those pants will be falling off you! :)

  4. I hate buying trousers so so much. The idea of putting on my jeans fills me with dread. But at least you know the best is still to come - when you lose enough so that those pants fall down and everyone says 'they're way too big for you' and you think 'yes, yes they are.'
    In other news, you know that fat woman from that article you posted ages ago? They were just talking about her on the news and the reader goes 'anorexia is out' and I'm like eh?! How the hell does the existence of one disgusting fat woman mean every woman in existence is happy to be fat? Geez.
    Totally off topic but yeah xxxx

  5. oh i hate changing rooms...i hate to try on something that i like, to find out that i'm tooooo fat for it... grrrr...

  6. god i hate fitting rooms,
    i look so fat in the mirrors in them. it is just disgusting.

    but stay strong hun, some day those small pants will fall off from your hips.

  7. aww im sorry about your shopping trip :(
    at least its over with, and now you can focus on getting those pants to slip on without undoing the zipper :)

  8. hey hun, don't let that put you down. just think of it as motivation.
    keep your head up.
    i know how you feel. changing rooms are sooo f*cking annoying, and especially when you have to walk out to get bigger ones, its so embarassing.
    but the best is yet to come right?
    keep strong! xx

  9. Eww, I hate having to buy pants. KHAKI pants nonetheless. I had to buy some for school this year. And I was soooo paranoid that the cashier would sneak a look at the size and be disgusted. : ((( Awh well one day we'll both be in 00's, honey. ; )

  10. You should write a book, it already sounds like Marya Hornbacher has competition!

  11. hey what is your pants size? and how much do u weigh. I feel the exact same way, and i actually work at a fitting room so when i see girls going into the fitting room with sizes that are way smaller than mine and im thinking "u fucking bitch, those better be to small for u!" and then if they do come out and dont take the pants, i am so satisfied. I am so sick. Maybe if we had eachothers email addresses we could maybe be ana buddies and it would be so much easier on us.

  12. Yanno, I just read a bunch of your posts and we have a LOT of things in common...