I stared at the cookies on the shelf at Wal-mart. They looked wonderful... I could buy a package, and just eat two or three... or the whole thing. A lady turned down the aisle pushing her cart. I smiled and said a nervous "hi," embarrassed to be caught looking at the fat food. Then i sneaked off to drool over the cupcakes.
"What sort of stupid place puts cupcakes in the middle of everything so everyone can see you looking at them?" i muttered, casually walking by the cupcakes five or six times and looking at them out the corner of my eye.
"What sort of stupid person walks past the cupcakes a dozen times so no one will see them looking at them?" Ana countered. "Move along, now, Jo."
I bit my lip. My hand reached for the five-dollar pack of cupcakes, but just at that time a super-skinny girl walked past. It might have been my imagination, or she might have watched me carefully just to see if i was going to buy those and stuff them all in my face. Ana smacked my fingers, and i drew them back. "Yes, yes, move along," i murmured, and went over to the make-up and magazine section to buy what i'd come for. I made it safely past the chocolate and through the checkout line with only my foundation, powder, and ELLE magazine (with Kiera Knightley on the cover).
Ana patted my back and congratulated me on my success, but it wasn't over yet. I still had to get gas in my car. There was bound to be lots of food at the gas station. "Don't even think about that, sweetie," Ana told me. "Just get the gas and a bottle of water. You'll be fine." And somehow i was!
I came home, craving sugar, but ignored it and ate chicken and veggies instead. "Good girl," Ana whispered. "Keep this up."
I hoped to God that i could.
Oh, and anonymous--oh wow i spelled it right! Heart attack!--for every one person who hates me, i've got at least one more who loves me. Nightlight posted a special post just for me, but also for you. Check it out, if you would.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Snow
I apologize in advance... This post is yet again, not going to be in story form. I'm feeling so blah and lazy and just generally crappy. I tried to find the energy to write a story-form post, but it just wasn't happening.
Today was the crappiest day ever... I woke up to massive amounts of snow, and i HATE snow. I mean, sure, it's pretty or whatever, but it's so cold and obnoxious that it cancels out the prettiness. I was supposed to go to town, hang out with a friend, and do some shopping for a Valentines day gift for my man, but the roads were too bad and my mom wasn't letting me out of the house. So, what better way to deal with disappointment and boredom than to binge? *Yes, you do sense a massive amount of sarcasm right there* I bloody hate myself and my fat, controlless mouth. I don't even know how many Calories i ate, but i do know that it was too much. I should have known better than to start the day out with peanut butter...
I couldn't sleep at all last night for no reason at all, obviously it wasn't from not eating because, yeah, of course i fucked up the ABC. I always do... But when i finally did get to sleep, what do i dream of? FOOD! Ugh. All kinds of freaking fat food. Well, ok, a lot of it wouldn't necessarily be fat food, but the amounts i ate in my dreams made it fat.
I hate food. Why does it haunt me? Why does it torture me so? It's not fair. My mom used to be so so skinny, and she never even paid attention to nutrition or exercise or anything. It just all came to her naturally. Even now, as she's getting older, she doesn't worry about what she eats, and she's not fat. She's always been totally normal about food, never even dieted in her life... I wish i got the normal end of the gene pool... But nope, i got my grandma's messed up food habits. Lovely...
Sorry about all the whining. I promise i'll post something more enjoyable tomorrow. *massive hugs to all who were patient enough to read all of this crap*
Today was the crappiest day ever... I woke up to massive amounts of snow, and i HATE snow. I mean, sure, it's pretty or whatever, but it's so cold and obnoxious that it cancels out the prettiness. I was supposed to go to town, hang out with a friend, and do some shopping for a Valentines day gift for my man, but the roads were too bad and my mom wasn't letting me out of the house. So, what better way to deal with disappointment and boredom than to binge? *Yes, you do sense a massive amount of sarcasm right there* I bloody hate myself and my fat, controlless mouth. I don't even know how many Calories i ate, but i do know that it was too much. I should have known better than to start the day out with peanut butter...
I couldn't sleep at all last night for no reason at all, obviously it wasn't from not eating because, yeah, of course i fucked up the ABC. I always do... But when i finally did get to sleep, what do i dream of? FOOD! Ugh. All kinds of freaking fat food. Well, ok, a lot of it wouldn't necessarily be fat food, but the amounts i ate in my dreams made it fat.
I hate food. Why does it haunt me? Why does it torture me so? It's not fair. My mom used to be so so skinny, and she never even paid attention to nutrition or exercise or anything. It just all came to her naturally. Even now, as she's getting older, she doesn't worry about what she eats, and she's not fat. She's always been totally normal about food, never even dieted in her life... I wish i got the normal end of the gene pool... But nope, i got my grandma's messed up food habits. Lovely...
Sorry about all the whining. I promise i'll post something more enjoyable tomorrow. *massive hugs to all who were patient enough to read all of this crap*
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Darling Annonymous,
Ok, I'm sick of your bullshit. If you don't like my blog, then don't read it. Don't keep coming back, and don't keep leaving rude messages. I've put up with it and been nice about it for quite a while, but now it's just fucking annoying.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Too Fat
"Umm, no. Put that dress back in the closet; it does nothing but make your arms look fat." Ana always was brutally honest.
I sighed, took the dress off and reached for a pair of jeans i hadn't worn in a while.
"Nope," she stopped me before i'd even started to put them on. "They give you a muffin-top, remember?"
Now that she mentioned it, i did remember. I tossed them to the floor with all the other clothes Ana and i had decided i was too fat to wear today. "I'll pick them up later," i promised myself, trying my best to ignore the huge pile, and rooted through my closet. I grabbed a t-shirt.
"Too tight; makes you look fat," was Ana's verdict.
"Dammit, Ana, nothing doesn't make me look fat!"
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, i'm sorry," she said in that sarcastic voice she used when she was annoyed by my stupidity. "Maybe if you'd have just listened to me all along instead of being a bingey disgusting pig you'd have a body that looks good in anything."
"Stop it," i shot back. "You're being mean."
"I can do better than that," she said smiling cruelly. "The reason everything makes you look fat is because you are fat. The only answer is to lose weight."
I bit my lip. Her words stung, but i couldn't deny their truth...
*ABC day 1 Food Journal entry:
oatmeal-75
banana-100
yogurt-100
bread-70
total: 345 Calories
**i got a lot of questions about my running program, so i figured the easiest way to answer them all would be to let you see for yourselves. Here's the link.
I sighed, took the dress off and reached for a pair of jeans i hadn't worn in a while.
"Nope," she stopped me before i'd even started to put them on. "They give you a muffin-top, remember?"
Now that she mentioned it, i did remember. I tossed them to the floor with all the other clothes Ana and i had decided i was too fat to wear today. "I'll pick them up later," i promised myself, trying my best to ignore the huge pile, and rooted through my closet. I grabbed a t-shirt.
"Too tight; makes you look fat," was Ana's verdict.
"Dammit, Ana, nothing doesn't make me look fat!"
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, i'm sorry," she said in that sarcastic voice she used when she was annoyed by my stupidity. "Maybe if you'd have just listened to me all along instead of being a bingey disgusting pig you'd have a body that looks good in anything."
"Stop it," i shot back. "You're being mean."
"I can do better than that," she said smiling cruelly. "The reason everything makes you look fat is because you are fat. The only answer is to lose weight."
I bit my lip. Her words stung, but i couldn't deny their truth...
*ABC day 1 Food Journal entry:
oatmeal-75
banana-100
yogurt-100
bread-70
total: 345 Calories
**i got a lot of questions about my running program, so i figured the easiest way to answer them all would be to let you see for yourselves. Here's the link.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Tired
It's not even that late and i'm wiped out. I feel like i could just sleep for days... Of course, the fact that i've been eating badly and getting depressed about that doesn't much help...
So here's the plan: i'm going to restart ABC tomorrow, again with Sundays being free days. However, free days are still to stay below 1,000 Calories. Also, if i don't eat all the Calories i'm allowed for one day, i can carry those over onto another day in case i need them. Hopefully this works...
I also found a workout program to ease me back into running. Supposedly by the end of 6 weeks of sticking with it i should be able to run for 30 minutes straight. I've never been able to do that, but i'd surely love to, so i'm kind of excited to start this and see how it works out.
Well, like i said, i'm super tired, so i'm going to go to bed for the night. I promise to write a better post tomorrow. Love you all!
"Fear not at all: my focus shall not fail. I shall not fall, and i shall not despair!"
So here's the plan: i'm going to restart ABC tomorrow, again with Sundays being free days. However, free days are still to stay below 1,000 Calories. Also, if i don't eat all the Calories i'm allowed for one day, i can carry those over onto another day in case i need them. Hopefully this works...
I also found a workout program to ease me back into running. Supposedly by the end of 6 weeks of sticking with it i should be able to run for 30 minutes straight. I've never been able to do that, but i'd surely love to, so i'm kind of excited to start this and see how it works out.
Well, like i said, i'm super tired, so i'm going to go to bed for the night. I promise to write a better post tomorrow. Love you all!
"Fear not at all: my focus shall not fail. I shall not fall, and i shall not despair!"
Friday, February 5, 2010
Focus Shall Not Fail
An amazing song by All That Remains. It's also my new mantra.
I find not distractions live life of single mind
and failure is not inherent for I will have what's mine
I'll struggle and sacrifice should I find value there
I'll not be scorned by failure
I'll not relent
now my conscience shall dictate my way
no more apologies no more mistakes
now solid direction has strengthened my resolve
fear not for consequences
fear not at all my focus shall not fail
I shall not fall and nor shall I despair
fear not at all my focus shall not fail
I shall not fall and nor shall I despair
exist no more distractions exist no more delays
set free from inhibitions set solid on my way
now set forth with purpose and with a strong resolve
fear not for consequences
fear not at all my focus shall not fail
I shall not fall and nor shall I despair
fear not at all my focus shall not fail
I shall not fall and nor shall I despair
I find not distractions live life of single mind
and failure is not inherent for I will have what's mine
I'll struggle and sacrifice should I find value there
I'll not be scorned by failure
I'll not relent
now my conscience shall dictate my way
no more apologies no more mistakes
now solid direction has strengthened my resolve
fear not for consequences
fear not at all my focus shall not fail
I shall not fall and nor shall I despair
fear not at all my focus shall not fail
I shall not fall and nor shall I despair
exist no more distractions exist no more delays
set free from inhibitions set solid on my way
now set forth with purpose and with a strong resolve
fear not for consequences
fear not at all my focus shall not fail
I shall not fall and nor shall I despair
fear not at all my focus shall not fail
I shall not fall and nor shall I despair
Big Surprise--Not
Well, yesterday did NOT go as planned either. I went over to Rita's house and spent some time with her and her sister, Tina. They're both so skinny and pretty. The difference between us is, Tina actually eats normally and stays that way. Rita doesn't eat much though... You can see her bones, and they're beautiful.
But Tina ate some stuff while i was with her and then Rita actually ate a bit too. I was absolutely starving, but refrained form eating up their entire kitchen. I didn't refrain from binging when i got home though. I guess seeing beautiful girls eating makes me think that i can eat too. I don't know. Grrr...
So um anyways... i don't really know what my plan is now. I'll figure it out later when i'm feeling less hate for myself.
It's been a while since i put up some pictures for you all... so i'll do that now, but i'mma hide behind my blanket cuz a)it's cold and b) i'm fat. I hope you're all doing much much better than me.
Ha, i'm such a sterotypical scene-kid in my black shirt with skull-covered shorts and a Nightmare Before Christmas blanket. Lol. How unoriginal.
But Tina ate some stuff while i was with her and then Rita actually ate a bit too. I was absolutely starving, but refrained form eating up their entire kitchen. I didn't refrain from binging when i got home though. I guess seeing beautiful girls eating makes me think that i can eat too. I don't know. Grrr...
So um anyways... i don't really know what my plan is now. I'll figure it out later when i'm feeling less hate for myself.
It's been a while since i put up some pictures for you all... so i'll do that now, but i'mma hide behind my blanket cuz a)it's cold and b) i'm fat. I hope you're all doing much much better than me.
Ha, i'm such a sterotypical scene-kid in my black shirt with skull-covered shorts and a Nightmare Before Christmas blanket. Lol. How unoriginal.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Mia Mia Mia
"What're you' doing?!" Ana shrieked. "You'll ruin everything. No! Stop! Jo, i'm serious! STOP!"
But i kept putting food in my mouth. My stomach was already full to bursting after that one bowl of cereal but i didn't care. I wanted to taste something. I wanted that peanut butter; i wanted those cookies; i wanted that sandwich; i wanted those hot wings! And i ate all of them, with Ana crying in the corner i'd stuffed her into. When all the food had disappeared, i found my own corner and shut out Ana's sobs with my own. "Stupid, fat, ugly, greedy bitch," i whispered angrily at myself. "I wasn't even hungry, dammit!"
Mia peeked her pretty little face around the door frame. "Jo, honey, can i help in this situation?"
I ran to her and fell into her outstretched arms. "Please," i begged.
Together we made the trip to the toilet. I shoved my finger in my throat. A little gag, nothing more. No matter how hard i tried, i couldn't get anything up even though my stomach felt sick. Mia handed me a toothbrush, and i tried that, but it didn't work either. We rushed to the medicine cabinet, looking in vain for laxatives even though i knew there were none. When we couldn't find any, i fell to my bed, exhausted, emotional, and far too full. "In the morning, i'll be there for you, honey," Mia whispered, and i fell into the oblivion that is sleep.
Mia kept her promise, and was by my side when i awoke. We started a torturous workout at 9:30, and she insisted that we keep going until 12:00. I had to take many breaks and rush for the bathroom as my stomach was hating me every bit as much as my brain for the binge, but i didn't stop. I had to get rid of the food somehow. Ana sat on the couch and moped, watching me sweat. "Fucking idiot," she muttered. "Serves you right."
I had to agree. At 11:40 i collapsed in a pool of sweat and tears and could not be made to move any more. Mia was satisfied enough and left me a parting gift of a kiss on the cheek. "Stay strong," she whispered and was gone.
I looked to Ana for guidance. "What now?" i asked. "Please don't hate me. I still love you."
Her face softened a bit and she said, "I still love you too. Just start on day six of ABC, and stick with it."
But i kept putting food in my mouth. My stomach was already full to bursting after that one bowl of cereal but i didn't care. I wanted to taste something. I wanted that peanut butter; i wanted those cookies; i wanted that sandwich; i wanted those hot wings! And i ate all of them, with Ana crying in the corner i'd stuffed her into. When all the food had disappeared, i found my own corner and shut out Ana's sobs with my own. "Stupid, fat, ugly, greedy bitch," i whispered angrily at myself. "I wasn't even hungry, dammit!"
Mia peeked her pretty little face around the door frame. "Jo, honey, can i help in this situation?"
I ran to her and fell into her outstretched arms. "Please," i begged.
Together we made the trip to the toilet. I shoved my finger in my throat. A little gag, nothing more. No matter how hard i tried, i couldn't get anything up even though my stomach felt sick. Mia handed me a toothbrush, and i tried that, but it didn't work either. We rushed to the medicine cabinet, looking in vain for laxatives even though i knew there were none. When we couldn't find any, i fell to my bed, exhausted, emotional, and far too full. "In the morning, i'll be there for you, honey," Mia whispered, and i fell into the oblivion that is sleep.
Mia kept her promise, and was by my side when i awoke. We started a torturous workout at 9:30, and she insisted that we keep going until 12:00. I had to take many breaks and rush for the bathroom as my stomach was hating me every bit as much as my brain for the binge, but i didn't stop. I had to get rid of the food somehow. Ana sat on the couch and moped, watching me sweat. "Fucking idiot," she muttered. "Serves you right."
I had to agree. At 11:40 i collapsed in a pool of sweat and tears and could not be made to move any more. Mia was satisfied enough and left me a parting gift of a kiss on the cheek. "Stay strong," she whispered and was gone.
I looked to Ana for guidance. "What now?" i asked. "Please don't hate me. I still love you."
Her face softened a bit and she said, "I still love you too. Just start on day six of ABC, and stick with it."
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Randomness
I love you all so much... like, seriously, you don't even know how very much i do! I would tear out my heart and give it to any or all of you if i could, because that's how much i love you. (Ok, i know that doesn't really make sense, but yeah.. just know that i love you a lot!) Your comments get me through the day, and i just start to bubble over with love whenever i see your lovely personalities in the words you've written on your posts. (Not to be psycho or stalkerish or anything. C'mon! Ya'll know me better than that anyway. Lol.) But seriously I LOVE YOU ALL!
There's a new blogger on the block: tearsnsorrow. Pop by her blog, Ana's Lovely Bones, and show her some love. I'm sure she'd enjoy some more support.
And last, but not least, i'll leave you with a little thinspo (yes, i'm obsessed with ribs) and the lyrics to a very thinspiring (though meant to be otherwise) song: Anorexia by Fakebestfriend.
Flowers, sunshine, and hugs to all!
Mary-Kate
Kate Moss
Diet pills
Lip gloss
Star Jones
Trim Spa
You can see my bones
"Look Ma!"
Gym club
Big hug
Fat thighs
Coffee mug
Sunken face
Big disgrace
Tummy tuck
What the fuck?
Calories
Diaries
Underground societies
Hollywood refusing to eat
Can't stand up on your own two feet
Paper thin socialite
What should I skip tonight?
Oh my god, I'm fucking scene
Gastro bypass for me
Anorexia isn't the way to happiness
Anorexia isn't the way to go
Anorexia will cut your life much shorter
Anorexia is a mental disorder
Hip bones
Rib cage
Rehab
Teenage
Fasting
Stop trying
Not eating
Then dying
You're selfish
You're homeless
You're hungry
And hopeless
Stupid
Tired
Caffiene
Wired
Web cam journal
Web site circle
Forum secrets
Can you keep it?
Their
Therapy
Cut to bleed
Can't you see
What you did to me
Hair thin
Pathogen
Blamed it on
Fakebestfriend
Society made you fat
Girl, what's the deal with that
Anorexia isn't the way to happiness
Anorexia isn't the way to go
Anorexia will cut your life much shorter
Anorexia is a mental disorder
Gaining power
Every hour
One more pound
I know I can win
Losing battles
Boney rattles
Heart beats skipping
Tears are dripping
Does this hairspray make me look fat?
Mary-Kate
Kate Moss
Diet pills
Lip gloss
There's a new blogger on the block: tearsnsorrow. Pop by her blog, Ana's Lovely Bones, and show her some love. I'm sure she'd enjoy some more support.
And last, but not least, i'll leave you with a little thinspo (yes, i'm obsessed with ribs) and the lyrics to a very thinspiring (though meant to be otherwise) song: Anorexia by Fakebestfriend.
Flowers, sunshine, and hugs to all!
Mary-Kate
Kate Moss
Diet pills
Lip gloss
Star Jones
Trim Spa
You can see my bones
"Look Ma!"
Gym club
Big hug
Fat thighs
Coffee mug
Sunken face
Big disgrace
Tummy tuck
What the fuck?
Calories
Diaries
Underground societies
Hollywood refusing to eat
Can't stand up on your own two feet
Paper thin socialite
What should I skip tonight?
Oh my god, I'm fucking scene
Gastro bypass for me
Anorexia isn't the way to happiness
Anorexia isn't the way to go
Anorexia will cut your life much shorter
Anorexia is a mental disorder
Hip bones
Rib cage
Rehab
Teenage
Fasting
Stop trying
Not eating
Then dying
You're selfish
You're homeless
You're hungry
And hopeless
Stupid
Tired
Caffiene
Wired
Web cam journal
Web site circle
Forum secrets
Can you keep it?
Their
Therapy
Cut to bleed
Can't you see
What you did to me
Hair thin
Pathogen
Blamed it on
Fakebestfriend
Society made you fat
Girl, what's the deal with that
Anorexia isn't the way to happiness
Anorexia isn't the way to go
Anorexia will cut your life much shorter
Anorexia is a mental disorder
Gaining power
Every hour
One more pound
I know I can win
Losing battles
Boney rattles
Heart beats skipping
Tears are dripping
Does this hairspray make me look fat?
Mary-Kate
Kate Moss
Diet pills
Lip gloss
Grocery Store
That ranch dressing... I could buy a bottle and just drink the whole thing.
"Do. Not. Make. Eye. Contact. With. Anything. In. This. Store." Ana warned from her position behind me.
My stomach gurgled and i ripped my eyes away from the dressing. "Funny, i don't even like ranch." And that was the truth.
I spotted the olive oil and instantly thought the same thing of it that i had of the ranch. "I could drink that too..."
"And then you'd be miserably sick," was Ana's reply.
I had to agree with her. Besides, that was disgusting. I wanted to fall down and worship the wall of cereal boxes, but instead, i just stood in front of it and stared for far too long.
"Well, at least that's something a bit more normal to want to eat," Ana muttered, taking my shoulders and leading me away from the cereal. "Come on now, keep moving."
I nodded and stepped into the next aisle. "Pancakes!"
"Oh hell no," Ana said. "Come on, we gotta get you out of here."
"I can't," i replied. "I work here."
"Good thing or you'd have robbed the shelves by now," she said sarcastically.
"Where would i go if i could leave?" i asked. "Home to binge? I'd rather stay."
A huge smile spread across her thin face. "Well, well. Now you're beginning to think like me."
I returned the smile. I liked thinking like Ana.
"Do. Not. Make. Eye. Contact. With. Anything. In. This. Store." Ana warned from her position behind me.
My stomach gurgled and i ripped my eyes away from the dressing. "Funny, i don't even like ranch." And that was the truth.
I spotted the olive oil and instantly thought the same thing of it that i had of the ranch. "I could drink that too..."
"And then you'd be miserably sick," was Ana's reply.
I had to agree with her. Besides, that was disgusting. I wanted to fall down and worship the wall of cereal boxes, but instead, i just stood in front of it and stared for far too long.
"Well, at least that's something a bit more normal to want to eat," Ana muttered, taking my shoulders and leading me away from the cereal. "Come on now, keep moving."
I nodded and stepped into the next aisle. "Pancakes!"
"Oh hell no," Ana said. "Come on, we gotta get you out of here."
"I can't," i replied. "I work here."
"Good thing or you'd have robbed the shelves by now," she said sarcastically.
"Where would i go if i could leave?" i asked. "Home to binge? I'd rather stay."
A huge smile spread across her thin face. "Well, well. Now you're beginning to think like me."
I returned the smile. I liked thinking like Ana.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
On My Way
The floor rushed at me like a million charging rhinos, and my hand reached out for the wall to steady myself. I shook my head and blinked the black out of my eyes. "Woah," i whispered.
"Jo? Are you all right?" my mom asked from her seat on the couch a few feet away from me.
"Uh oh," Ana said.
I nodded. "Yeah, i'm fine, Mom. The wall just jumped out in front of me. It tends to do that in the mornings when i'm not awake."
She laughed, and i continued back to my room. "That was amazing," i said to Ana. "I've never been so close to passing out."
"You're getting stronger in your weakness," Ana told me with a giggle.
I knew i shouldn't like the sensation of nearly falling over; i knew that the shakiness couldn't be good for me. Yet, it was all so new and amazing. I'd never done so well for so long, and it felt wonderful. Ana's praise and good mood certainly helped as well.... Shaun didn't know, of course. He'd be awfully upset if he did, but that was ok. Some secrets are better kept secret.
"I'm all secrets," Ana had warned me when we'd first met. "I'll make you tell lies and hide things from the ones you love."
"But you'll make me thin?"
"Of course, sweetie. I can make anyone thin."
But so far, she'd only kept the first part of her promise: the secrecy part.
"Those are dark thoughts in your head, sweetie," Ana muttered. "You don't think i'm not going to keep the second part of my promise, do you?"
"No, no," i replied. "I know you will."
She nodded. "You're on your way, dearest."
And i knew i was.
Here's my food log for the past few days of ABC, because you all were so happy with my news that i was on day 3 of it, and i love making ya'll happy :)
Day 1 - salad(110), turkey wrap x 2(200) =310
Day 2 - cereal(220), tangerine(40), chicken(100) =360
Sunday = cheat day
Day 3 - oatmeal(75), yogurt(100) =175
And the best part is, i've been UNDER the limit all three days!
"Jo? Are you all right?" my mom asked from her seat on the couch a few feet away from me.
"Uh oh," Ana said.
I nodded. "Yeah, i'm fine, Mom. The wall just jumped out in front of me. It tends to do that in the mornings when i'm not awake."
She laughed, and i continued back to my room. "That was amazing," i said to Ana. "I've never been so close to passing out."
"You're getting stronger in your weakness," Ana told me with a giggle.
I knew i shouldn't like the sensation of nearly falling over; i knew that the shakiness couldn't be good for me. Yet, it was all so new and amazing. I'd never done so well for so long, and it felt wonderful. Ana's praise and good mood certainly helped as well.... Shaun didn't know, of course. He'd be awfully upset if he did, but that was ok. Some secrets are better kept secret.
"I'm all secrets," Ana had warned me when we'd first met. "I'll make you tell lies and hide things from the ones you love."
"But you'll make me thin?"
"Of course, sweetie. I can make anyone thin."
But so far, she'd only kept the first part of her promise: the secrecy part.
"Those are dark thoughts in your head, sweetie," Ana muttered. "You don't think i'm not going to keep the second part of my promise, do you?"
"No, no," i replied. "I know you will."
She nodded. "You're on your way, dearest."
And i knew i was.
Here's my food log for the past few days of ABC, because you all were so happy with my news that i was on day 3 of it, and i love making ya'll happy :)
Day 1 - salad(110), turkey wrap x 2(200) =310
Day 2 - cereal(220), tangerine(40), chicken(100) =360
Sunday = cheat day
Day 3 - oatmeal(75), yogurt(100) =175
And the best part is, i've been UNDER the limit all three days!
Monday, February 1, 2010
SURPRISE!!!
Sooo today i have a big surprise for you all. Lol. I'm just like a kid trying to please mommy with a surprise! It's stupid, but nonetheless, i think it's awesome...
Anywho, here it is:
I AM ON DAY 3 OF ABC!!!
Ok, ok, i know that's not that great, but you have to realize that it IS me. Failure me, and i've made it to day 3 without messing up.
My new plan is to do the ABC with Sunday's being free days because Sunday is when my parents insist i eat some of the most high calorie pizza in the world! But i'll make sure i never go over 2000 on sundays, which i'll bump down to 1000 eventually.
I'm proud of myself; could you tell? Lol.
Also i want to say thank you to all of you lovely folks who leave me support and comments. I love you all more than words can even say!
Anywho, here it is:
I AM ON DAY 3 OF ABC!!!
Ok, ok, i know that's not that great, but you have to realize that it IS me. Failure me, and i've made it to day 3 without messing up.
My new plan is to do the ABC with Sunday's being free days because Sunday is when my parents insist i eat some of the most high calorie pizza in the world! But i'll make sure i never go over 2000 on sundays, which i'll bump down to 1000 eventually.
I'm proud of myself; could you tell? Lol.
Also i want to say thank you to all of you lovely folks who leave me support and comments. I love you all more than words can even say!
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