We've been at Jesse's friend's house since yesterday, which i really shouldn't mind. I've got wifi here, so i got caught up on all of your blogs, and i slept in a bed last night... but i'm not even half enjoying myself. Since we got here i felt like Jesse was just ignoring me, not on purpose, but because he was distracted by his friends' company (there's a bunch of other people just hanging out here too). I didn't let it get to me until about the middle of today. I just feel like any time i tried to talk to him he wasn't listening, because he only answered me half the time because his friends won't shut up long enough for me to get a word in. I feel invisible... to everyone.. And i feel like that stupid bitchy wife/girlfriend that must have her man's undivided attention all the time for feeling that way.
And there's lots of mirrors here that show me more of myself than just from the neck up. It's the first time since i've had the baby bump that i've actually seen what i look like, and i feel like i look absolutely horrible. I know i'm not fat; i know it's all baby, but I'm still huge, and it's so ugly..
On top of all of that, i've learned that apparently normal people do NOT eat three meals a day. I have not eaten anything since 7 this morning, and then i only had a really tiny breakfast. It's 6:15 in the evening now, and i have a migrane from hell (have had one since noon) because the baby is sucking any vitamins or nutrients i did have in me right out of me like a little parasite, but i don't want to just walk up to someone and be like "hey, i need food." because i'm weird about things like that. I still hate to admit that i need to eat, especially when no one else seems to need to eat. But i'm light-headed, and dizzy and feel like i'm going to be sick...because as much as i hate to say it, i DO need food. And that makes me feel like the most needy, disgusting person ever.
I'm just so miserable right now that all i want to do is hide away and cry... so i guess i should be thankful that i'm invisible to everyone... but i'm not. I feel the need to be seen at the same time as i feel the need to hide... and i don't know what the fuck i'm supposed to do about that.
I'm pretty much half her age, and she could break me like a twig. 'Tis very humbling.
ReplyDelete*Huggles* You're PREGNANT FFS! Milk that excuse for all its worth! You only get a few more months of it, after all. My friend's Nana had a rule:What the pregnant lady wants, she gets. That went mainly for edibles, since preggo cravings are no joke.
Seriously, stand up and DEMAND nourishment for the kiddo. So what if they're a bunch of random blokes? I've seen guys happily ignore the need to eat, sleep or piss while playing computer games. It is definitely NOT normal! You've got The Ultimate Parasite DEMANDING you listen to it. Don't neglect it! Enlist their mums/sisters if you can, they'll help ;)
http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/
^May help too
If it helps any, don't think of it as YOU needing to eat, think of it as the BABY needing to eat.
"Hey, this thing in me demands feeding. Can we grab something to eat?"
*Huggles* All people who are gestating look it and feel like crap. Don't let Ana use it against you! Kimmeh hid inside her husband's huge Canada hoodies coz she thought people would think she was fat&lazy instead of pregnant&exhausted :(
I've got half a purple singlet done! Casting on the front now :D
Love you ohsomuch. Get what you need, you're not disgusting. You're a bloody HERO for taking on the challenge of making another person!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
I don't want to sound obvious or anything, but it's not actually YOU that needs the food, Jo! It's your little girl who does!!! You should be feeding her like you're gonna do when she out of you... I think that's what should be on your mind every time you eat something: this is not for me, it's for her.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't be ashamed to ask for food! You're pregnant. No one should look at you strange (or anything else) when you ask for food... You are nursing a person inside you, you know? :P If you don't eat (as much as you hate it) that lovely little girl won't grow. There's only 4 months to go (you said she was going to be born in October, right?)! 4 months go by like nothing, you'll see!
Stay strong. I know you can. <3
Lots of kisses for the 3 of you!!
J.
whoa, that sucks big time!
ReplyDeleteTry to find some good novel you can spend your time with? Something cheerful!
lots of love sweetie (I'm sure you look as good as ever!)
xoxo
Lucy
girl its not only you that needs food, your baby does too! who cares what they think!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're feeling crappy. <3
ReplyDeleteLike Peri says, you should milk that pregnancy for all its worth! Work it, old school--you're in a Delicate Condition and everyone should be rushing to your side to do your bidding. :D
xoxo