Friday, October 5, 2012

So now everyone in my home is sick, except roommate who only comes out of his room long enough to eat, make a mess of my clean bathroom, play the same damn video game for hours on end, or leave for work. Poor little Fate is miserable, which makes everyone else super-miserable. I wish i could take that sickness for her. The apartment needs cleaned quite terribly, and no one has the energy to do it.  I've got to be at work from 6 pm until 2 am.
AND on top of all that, my parents are insisting on coming over to my apartment tomorrow to give Fate her late birthday gifts. Why they couldn't just come over on her actual birthday, i'll never know. Honestly, i don't even really want them to come at all. I let them in Fate's life in very small amounts. They only "loved" me until they found my blog and discovered i wasn't the wonderful little churchy do-good daughter they thought me to be. Maybe that's partially my fault for not being fully truthful with them about my doings, but i really couldn't have been truthful with them because they still would have hated me for it. I tried to get help from them with my mental issues before they got bad, and they didn't do a single thing, so i just hid it all from them. They also think i'm a horrible person for having sex before marriage, for smoking cigarettes, and drinking alcohol. Let's just say they've said some horribly hurtful things to me before, and leave it at that. I just really don't want them doing the same to my daughter. Sure, they think she's fantastic now...but what happens when she does something they don't like? Will they even love her then?
All i can think about when i see my mother's face is her telling me that it was my fault that i was molested since i'd had sex with one person without being married before the molestation happened. That hurt. It hurt me more than you can imagine since i blamed myself a bit for it anyway. It's perfectly fine that that man molested me, especially since he's "changed his ways" and become a pastor, but it's not alright that i'd had sex with one person without being married to him even though i'd dated him for 2 whole years?! Yepp that's a true mother's love right there. I don't think i can ever forgive the person who did that to me, and i know i can never forgive my mother for being alright with him doing it to me. It will eat away at my brain until i am buried, and then it will eat away at my soul.
Oh dear, there i go with glum posts again. I'm sorry, lovelies. I hope you're all doing better than i am.


  1. that man deserves to die. and they let him become a pastor... omg, we will hear about another child molesting pastor on the news. gr!

  2. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK just lost my comment. DAMMIT!

    I can't believe the hypocrisy of your parents. It makes me feel physically sick. For people to allow someone like that to get into a position of religious and moral authority shows that there is something seriously wrong with the world. It's along the same lines of reasoning that allowed the guy who murdered my cousin (Stabbing her so badly that he broke the first knife off in her) to get his jail sentence MITIGATED because he found god and was "very sorry" for what he did.

    No, just fucking NO. It is wrong and sick and amoral and cowardly as all hell.

    Your mother is in dire need of a reality check and a heard slapping. She's fucking sick in the head. So fucking angry at her right now.

    Man, your parentals too? I couldn't imagine Mum's reaction if she ever found my blog. She's the Queen of Denial, that's for sure!

    I want to hug you so badly right now. Give yourself a hug from me, ok?


  3. You are right to keep your parents VERY FAR away from your family. They neglected to protect and seek justice for you. They failed you so miserably.
    Those who enable child molestors are just as guilty as the molestor themselves.