Tuesday, October 9, 2012


I stepped off the scale and waited for it to go blank, then stepped onto it again.
I couldn't believe it. Last time i'd weighed myself i'd been 123 lbs. Once more, i stepped off, waited for it to go blank, and stepped back on.
"How is that possible?" i muttered to myself. "I haven't even been trying."
"What are you complaining about then?" Ana asked. "You're losing without really trying or concentrating..." here a bitterness crept into her voice.. "or even listening to me."
I stepped off the scale and turned around to face her. "Well what are you complaining about? What you want to happen is happening, even though your upset that i'm not following all of your ridiculous plans."
She rolled her eyes and said nothing.
"I looked in the mirror last night as i was changing my shirt and thought that i looked gross, not because of fat, but because of the lack thereof. I am nothing but skin and bones. It's not attractive, not nearly so attractive as you would have me to believe anyway."
"Oh stop it," she laughed. "You're excited by the fact that you're so small and you know it. Stop denying it."
Here i frowned. She was partly right, but also, she was partly wrong. I wasn't really completely sure how i felt about it. "I want to stop losing," i murmured, half hoping she didn't hear me.
"What?!" her tone was beyond patronizing. "You stupid thing you. Why would you ever complain about losing with minimal effort?"
I shrugged. "I'm ok with staying the way i am right now. I don't want to lose or gain anything. I just want to stay put."
"Hmph!" she snorted. "You're a fucking idiot," she said so softly that it cut deeper than if she'd screamed it at me. Then she floated out the door.
I looked back at the scale and cautiously stepped onto it.
All i could do was stare at the number. I didn't know how to feel about it, or what i wanted to do about it. Confusion was all i felt.


  1. 120lbs is my goal weight. i know with that weight ill still look healthy. so i get what you mean. sometimes health is more important than weight and thats the way it should be

  2. stay strong girl. be who you want to be!
    i always step on the scale like a million times to make sure its for real.


  3. You don't have to listen to Ana to lose weight, and you sure as shit don't need to listen to her when she tries to tell you what is attractive. She'll have you in a fucking coffin and STILL not be satisfied.

    Arohanui and hugs <3

  4. Sorry I couldn't comment earlier! I was trying to from my phone and it was being stupid. Peridot (G+P) is right, you don't have to listen to her to lose weight. We're here for whenever you figure out your confusion :)