Ana violently shook her head as my hand reached for the cereal box on top of the fridge. "What in the world would you want to eat for?" she asked. "Jacob's not here to see you do so, so i'm sure you'll be eating whenever he gets home from work and asks you to eat something."
"I'm a little bit hungry. Besides, it's healthy cereal, not high in calories at all," i refuted her, pouring some of the Kashi into a bowl.
She snorted. "It is if you put that much into the bowl."
I sighed and tried to ignore her as i opened the refrigerator to get the milk. "Crap," i muttered. "I forgot, we're out of milk."
She made a mocking pouty face. "Oh, what a pity," she said sarcastically.
"Fine," i said to her. "I won't eat anything." I poured the cereal back into the box and walked out of the kitchen.
"Correction. You won't eat anything until Jacob comes home and asks if you've eaten anything today. You'll answer him honestly and say no as you always do even though i tell you to lie--"
"Ana," i interrupted her, "shut up! You know i can not lie to him about anything."
She rolled her eyes. "Whatever."
"Nothing i do is ever good enough for you, is it? Can't you just be satisfied that i'm not going to eat other than when he asks me to? It's only going to be once a day!"
"No, Jo, nothing you do ever is good enough for me. You know why?"
I shook my head.
"Because you're not losing any of that fat that you let yourself gain. You're not exercising at all, and you have been eating more than once a day." She gently put her hand on my arm. "Sweetie, i just want to help you make yourself beautiful."
I trembled under her touch. "I know," i whispered, fighting back the tears. "But i'm trying to do better now."
"You'd better stop just trying and start actually doing!"
I simply nodded and waited for my Jacob to come home. When he did make it home some sort of miracle happened. He didn't ask me to eat anything at all. He only said that he hadn't eaten all day.
"Don't tell him you haven't either, you bird-brain," Ana hissed in my ear, but i ignored her and told him that i was the same.
"Are you hungry, love?" he asked me.
I shook my head. "No," i told him truthfully. The hunger from before had passed.
He nodded. "Me either."
And that was the end of that conversation. We went 36 hours without eating a thing, making both myself and Ana smile.
**Side note that has to do with the beginning of my last post. The thing that's conflicting me so much about the dresses is that one is free, but the one i'm more in love with is only $154. Not a bad price at all, right? So it's hard for me to choose. I'm still totally open to all of your suggestions on that**
**Oh, and ya'll should definitely sign this petition to allow Pro-Ana sites online**
Who cares what anyone else thinks? You are Ednos, or Ana, or mia...don't matter. Point is, you are expressing your feelings about it. People should appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteThis post hit hard. I know exactly how you're feeling; it's like you described the relationship I have with Ana every day. Except at the end, when you didn't eat for 36 hours. I always eat in the end... And there is no smiling, there is disappointment.
ReplyDeleteHope you're doing well and stay strong (and away from food!).
xx
PS. $154 isn't too bad a price, especially if you like it more than your friend's prom dress.
36 hours... not bad!! looking to fast before my boyfriend comes to visit me at uni, have to be sneaky about my not eating.. xxx
ReplyDeleteI feel this. Hit hard like they said above.
ReplyDeleteOh.. and I like your prom dress :) the wedding dress is gorgeous.
Its so annoying when Ana is constantly in your ear, and there is no avoiding her. Although I have to admit, I love when she wins an argument, and an unexpected fast is the result. It makes it worth it in the end.
ReplyDeleteFREE is always my favorite price! If you're truly in love with the other dress, though, go for it! Prom is special, and your dress should be as well!