I need to start writing in story mode again. I was proud of the fact that i did that because i felt it made my blog unique...but i've just gotten lazy. I've thought about it several times since i started posting again, but i sort of have a problem writing that way now that Ana isn't so prominent in my life. I'll have to ponder on it a bit more, and hopefully soon i'll figure out a way to get back to my old writing style.
Writing hasn't been the only thing i've become lazy in these past several days. I haven't done yoga since monday, even though Fate is constantly reminding me to do it by tugging at my rolled up yoga mat and trying to mimic what she's seen me do on it. It's adorable, really, and i think she enjoys watching me and trying to copy my movements. That alone should be enough motivation...but damn depression had been making me lose all motivation to do anything.
Jesse had to quit his job on tuesday because we were losing money getting him to and from work with the ridiculous price of gas and such a long drive to get there. He says he thinks he should be able to receive unemployment compensation because just before he said he needed to quit, they ended his assignment for lack of work anyway, so my fingers are crossed that he can. I like having him home...but for some odd reason i seem to be more motivated to eat well, exercise, clean the apartment, and spend all day doting on my little lady when he isn't here. I think it's just because i know i have help with everything since he's not working, so i rely to strongly on that help and lose all motivation to do anything on my own. Foolish, since he certainly doesn't even do half of the cleaning and playing with Fate that i do, but i hold onto my false hope of a day to just relax with determination. Oh well...
Yesterday was a horrid day, but that was mainly my own fault for not drinking my pot of coffee in the morning. The day just started out awful because i got my check from the insurance company in the mail and it was $1000 short of what it was supposed to be. I thought i was going to get screwed over so badly when i saw that, and i freaked out. Thank goodness that when i called in, my agent readily admitted that he had made a mistake and told me he'd put the check in the mail with the rest of the money he owed me on it. I thought for sure i'd have much more trouble getting what i was owed than i did. The only down-side is that i've got to wait even longer to get a new car now, but it really could be much, much worse.
The rest of the day was horrid because even though the situation that threw me into spaz-out mode was easily cleared up, it left me in a depressive state because my brain likes to linger in such states for no apparent reason. I also was hurting all over... I swear i have arthritis in my knees, and there is something wrong with my neck and spine... I don't know how to fix it though because i don't have a family doctor to see about it, or the money to get one. Pain always puts me in an awful mood since there's nothing at all i can do to fix it.
On top of that, i just gave up caring about not eating junk food and ate a piece of pie. Also, as before mentioned, i failed to do my yoga. So all of that made me sulk and feel like a failure.
BUT today is a new day, and it will be better. I'll make sure of it.