I'm trying not to be so glum and moody in my life, and in my blog... But i've hit another depressive day. We're losing money with Jesse going to work because we don't have our car. It was totaled trying to miss a deer. The only help we could get was from his aunt, who lent us her truck, which gets terrible gas mileage and has needed over $200 in parts that WE had to replace. His work is over an hour away from our home, and he gets paid $8 per hour. So we're spending all the money he makes on gas. The car was wrecked roughly 2 weeks ago and we still have not received even the paperwork from the insurance company, so we have no way of getting a car. On top of all that, Jesse is pretty sure that the truck is about to break down again, so he's just going to have to request a leave of absence at his job and hope he doesn't get fired for it. This is all just a bit much on me right now. I can't handle it.
Fate is screaming her head off because she's sleepy and refuses to sleep, and the dude that lives with us is on the phone yelling, so of course that's keeping her awake. Thanks for your consideration, asshole. He does this kind of shit all the time. Not to mention that he doesn't even clean up after himself, so i feel like his mother, always cleaning up after him. It's ridiculous. I need to get out of here.
I haven't done my yoga today.... I've been too depressed. Maybe if i actually did it, it would help me to get more focused and less depressed.
UGH!!! I CAN'T EVEN THINK BECAUSE HE'S TALKING SO LOUD AND HAS HIS PHONE ON SPEAKER SO LOUD!
*Bursts into tears*
Sorry... Let me come back and try to post later.
Fuck my life.
7 hours later i am feeling much better. I stayed in my depressive mode for quite some time, and even ended up having a bit of a junk food binge (3 cookies and one snack cake. ugh!) and completely skipping out on my yoga because i just couldn't find the motivation. But Ana really isn't kicking my ass too bad for it. She's been so nice lately. "Everyone makes mistakes. Just start over, and it'll all be alright," she told me after the binge. It's actually so much easier to listen to her when she's pleasant like that; maybe that's why she's been so nice.
After Fate woke up from her nap, she gave me cuddles and lovies and smiles. I think she could tell that i was upset and she wanted to help me feel better. It definitely worked. She's such a little angel. We searched through Netflix together until we found a show that she liked and we watched that for a while, then read stories and played toys until dinner. Jesse gave her her dinner, and then i gave her her bath afterward. More cuddles and toys, and a bedtime story, and then she went to bed perfectly. I don't know what i'd do without that child.
Then i started cleaning the entire apartment. It had to be cleaned for her birthday party tomorrow. I will NOT have guests coming to an untidy home for my baby's birthday party. There's really something very therapeutic about cleaning for me. No matter how awful a mood i'm in, if i clean, everything is so much better. I have no idea why. It's spotless now, and i'm quite proud of myself for not half-assing cleaning on a depressive day like this.
All of your lovely supportive comments helped me out too. I really do feel 100% back in the game.
Tomorrow is Fatie's birthday!!! I'm so very excited. That's when i'm going to post the new pictures of Fate and i for you all to see because i'm sure you'll all want to see her birthday party too. I can't wait! :)
Thank you for all your love and support. Hugs and love right back at you all. :)