I Ate... But Does It Count For Anything?

"Did you eat anything other than that chicken patty i made for you yesterday?" It was the first thing Jacob decided to say to me once we were both awake.
I shook my head. "No."
He frowned.
"But i ate something! You said i only had to eat once a day." I didn't like seeing that frown, especially over something that had made me feel strong and smile a little bit.
He sighed. "I know, but i meant eat something that actually counts as eating. One chicken patty is absolutely nothing."
"It's protein... and carbs from the bread it was on..." i told him.
"And a ton of fatness," Ana chimed in.
He didn't hear her. His response was, "Yeah, but it wasn't very much food at all. I'd say about 200 calories. You know it's not good for you to keep going on that little."
"300 calories, at the least!" Ana shouted in his ear, trying to make her presence known.
He swatted the air next to his head as if he'd heard a fly buzzing around. "Will you eat more than that today?" he asked with beautiful pleading eyes.
I sighed, thinking of the 6 lbs i'd managed to lose, worrying that they'd all jump right back onto me if i ate anything at all, but his beautiful face.... I couldn't tell him no. It was nigh unto impossible. "Ok," i said. "You can choose what i eat today, as long as it's only one meal, and not bad for me."
As soon as the words had left my mouth, Ana slapped me. "You'd best make sure that he doesn't give you too much food at that one meal!"
But Jacob smiled, making me smile a little bit. "Hmmm... What if i make you a giant, juicy steak?" he said playfully.
I wrinkled up my nose. "You know i won't eat that. Besides, i've never liked steak."
"You've just never had it made right. One of these days, i'll get you to try a truly good steak."
"Oh no you won't!" Ana snarled.
I rolled my eyes. "Shush, Ana, he's only joking... i think." Then i turned to Jacob, "You're not going to do that today, are you?"
He shook his head. "I don't know for sure. Maybe," he said with a wink. "After all, it's not really bad for you."
"Bad for my mentality," i replied, playfully pushing him off the bed.
He pulled me onto the floor with him. "Fine, not steak today."
Later on, he made me some sort of odd concoction that had fried potatoes, shredded cheese, and a good bit of veggie stew. "You know that'll go right through me, don't you?" i asked him.
"Why?"
"The oil in the potatoes and the cheese. I'm gonna have the runs..."
"Nah," he replied. "You'll be all right."
I simply laughed and ate it, not bothering to argue with him. "Ok." I knew it wasn't going to stay in me...
"At least it'll clean your system out," Ana said, staring banefully at the food.
I nodded and finished it up, running to the bathroom a few hours later with a gentle, "told you so," to Jacob.
He apologized, but i told him not to worry. I was getting used to running to the bathroom to involuntarily lose any sort of food i put into my body.

*I crave peanut butter! How can i stop this craving? I don't want to eat it! It'll only make me want more and more bad foods... like chocolate... Ugh! I want that too! What's wrong with me? How do you all stop your horrid cravings?*

**I have a question for you all. I know that a good bit of you are artistically talented. So would anyone like to draw me a picture for my Ana-Tribute tattoo? I'd like a skeleton, clutching a broken or withered heart that says Ana in pretty lettering on it somewhere. I'd prefer it to be in color, but it doesn't have to be. If you do draw me a picture, please send it to my email address (emofreak5@yahoo.com) and i'll email you back, letting you know if i'm going to use it. Thanks a bundle!**

48 Hours!

Once again, i'm tired and uncreative. I don't know why but i feel totally exhausted (and even a bit on the depressed side) today. I didn't even do much of anything. I couldn't find the energy to work out... and i also thought it might not be the best idea seeing as every time i stood up--not even quickly at all--things went black and i saw some stars. I managed to not pass out though.
I think it might be because i just completed a 48 hour fast. I didn't realize it was going to be that long until this morning, but then i thought about it and realized that if i didn't eat anything until 12:00 PM, i would have pulled of a 48 hour fast without even thinking about it. The last time i ate was Wednesday. I had a salad at a restaurant with my grandparents and my Jacob. Then yesterday, by the time Jacob made it home, it was 2:00 in the morning and i was not about to wake up just to eat something. He didn't even ask me until i woke up around 10:00 this morning if i'd eaten anything. I told him the truth, and then begged him to let me wait until 12:00 today to eat anything because i wanted to be able to say that i'd gone 48 hours without eating--or even drinking anything but water! He didn't much like it, and as soon as it was 12:01, he shoved a sandwich at me, but i didn't mind. I felt as if i'd completed an amazing task by going that long without even wanting to eat anything. Seriously, i didn't think about food the entire time somehow, and it was so easy to go that long without eating.
I don't think it was the best thing for me though, considering my body's used to about 1000 calories a day. I should have slowly cut down on the calories, not just cut them out altogether for that long. I feel weak and dizzy because of it... but at the same time, that feels awesome. Does anyone know what i mean?
On the more random side of things, i miss my Jacob insanely. I went pretty much all day yesterday without seeing him because just as i got home from work, he had to leave and go to work. So today, i was looking forward to spending time with him before he went to work... That didn't really happen as planned. I mean, i was with him all day, but there were other people there too. A couple of his sister's friends were living in this house with all of us because they didn't have anywhere to go, and as soon as we got up this morning they told him they'd give us gas money to take them somewhere. We did need the gas money... But they took much longer than they'd said they would, so by the time we got back from that trip, it was time for him to go to work. It's kinda got me feeling down because i simply haven't had much time with him at all these past few days.
Blah... I need to go get a shower and shave. I wanna look extra nice for Jacob when he gets home tonight just because i haven't had much time with him. Weird reasoning? Probably. Do i care? Not at all. I've been putting off shaving for about a week. Haha. So i'm all sorts of hairy and ewwy. Too much information. I know, and i apologize. I just wanted to share that with someone for some odd reason.
Am i rambly in this post? Does it make any sense? I'm too tired to really even think about what i'm writing before i type it out. Haha. I hope this all makes some sort of sense.

Tired Rambling

Well... guess what... i'm having another uncreative day where i really don't feel like putting my post in story form. I know, i've been gone for several days and now i'm giving you a totally random, rambly post. My apologies...
I'm kind of tired because i got roughly 5 hours of sleep last night, and i just now got done with work--at Wendy's. Does anyone else find it ironic that i'm an eating disordered girl whose last three jobs have revolved around food? First, i had a job at a farm/cheese factory. Then, it was a grocery store, and now, it's a fast food place. Seriously, being around the grease and grossness of the fast food makes me want to be sick sometimes... Today, as i worked in front of the fryer for 2 hours, i actually started to worry that i'd gain weight from inhaling grease fumes or something. Do you think that's possible? Oh goodness, i sound ridiculous, but i honestly am worried about it. I guess the good thing about being around all that fatness is that it makes me want to go all day without eating anything. I could easily pull of a week-long fast as long as i worked every day. But i won't, because i don't wanna hurt Jacob like that.
Today it is insanely tempting to go on a fast though.. because i didn't eat anything before i went to work at 11 this morning, didn't eat anything while at work, and didn't eat anything when i got home around 5. Jacob had to leave to go to his work as soon as i got home, so he didn't make sure i ate anything. He didn't even ask if i'd eaten anything at work like he said he was going to, and that makes me kind of inclined to not eat and hope he doesn't ask when he gets home either. Ugh... I don't know! What should i do?
On the positive side of things, i've lost 4 lbs in 4 days! So i'm insanely happy about that. Hopefully soon i'll be back down to 120. That's the goal of the moment, and i've got 5 more lbs to go to get there. I can do it! Seeing that much progress in those few days is such a huge encouragement and mood booster for me, so i figured i'd share it with you all... just don't add up those numbers and figure out what i currently weigh, ok?
Well, now i'm off to catch up on reading and commenting your lovely blogs. I hope you all are doing well. Remember, i love you all!