I doubt any of you even still read my posts. It's been so very long since i posted anything. I miss it so very much, but i just don't have any internet access ever. And we're always too damn broke to get internet connection at our home. Jesse's been through about 4 jobs since i last posted and is currently looking for another one since he doesn't have one right now. I'm about sick of it. He swears it's not his fault every time, but i don't know. Don't get me wrong: i love him very much, and i want to believe everything he says, but... sometime's it's a bit difficult.
Fate is doing very well, and growing so fast. She's partially mobile now (rolling pin style). She's a complete mama baby and won't have anyone who isn't mommy or daddy, but most of the time she won't even have daddy. It makes me feel special. :) She's starting to say a few words already too! I didn't know they could start talking at 8 months! Seems way too early, but she's a smarty i guess. She calls me "mum mum" and Jesse "dad". I love it. She tries to immitate so many of the sounds we make now too, so i guess i should start taming my tongue a bit, huh?
Ana was threatening to come back to me a while ago. In fact, at one point she was even telling me to cut if i didn't stick to her ridiculous diet plan, but then something amazing happened. Maybe it's a bit unconventional, but i never claimed to be a conservative. I got a job as a dancer in a club because the hours fit my schedule very nicely since Fate would be sleeping almost the whole time i'd be working, and the pay for so few hours is also quite nice. It pays the bills with me working only two nights a week, so i really can't complain at all. That job makes me feel so wonderful about myself. I feel beautiful for the first time in my life! My sister-in-law looked at me as if i'd lost my mind when i said i wanted a BIGGER butt. I've never wanted anything bigger in all of my life! I almost feel like i'm doing something wrong because i don't want to shrink anymore, but it feels wonderful at the same time. I don't exactly suggest it for those of you trying to get rid of Ana, but it's worked wonders for me. For the first time ever i'm satisfied and happy with my body. I never thought that would happen to me. I really hope it lasts. It has lasted for almost 3 weeks now, so let's see if it keeps up!
I hope you all are doing well. I love you so very much, and you are always in my thoughts.
