Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Ginormous Post

Hello there, lovelies. I've got internet access for a few hours thanks to Jacob's friend (mine too, i suppose, even though i just met him not very long ago), so i'm about to write you all a story form post, and update you all on what's going on, and then try my best to get read up on you all's blogs.

The alarm kept beeping. I groaned and rolled over to hit the snooze button for the hundredth time, but the alarm clock wasn't by my bed where it was last time. "What in the world?" i muttered to myself as i groped blindly to find my glasses.
Then i heard Ana giggling. "Come find your alarm clock, Jo," she challenged me.
I shook my head and laughed a little bit; i knew exactly where she and the alarm clock were. I walked into the room that held the treadmill and all of my other workout equipment. Sure enough, there she was, holding the alarm clock as she sat on the stability ball. She smiled at me and turned the alarm off. "You found me quickly," she observed. "How'd you know where i was?"
"Lucky guess," i replied. "I figured you'd be saying it's time to stop being lazy and start using the workout equipment."
"Right on!" she said with a smile. "Treadmill first?"
I nodded my consent and started my pathetic workout. It only lasted for half an hour, but it'd been so long since i'd done any workout, that that half hour wore me out to the point that i thought i'd be sick. When a half hour was up, i begged Ana to let me quit for the day. She consented only under the agreement that i would NOT stop working out on a daily basis.
I agreed, wanting to build up my strength, and somehow, feel strong again. "I'll get there," i promised myself.
Ana hugged me from behind. "Yes, you will. And i'll be there for you every step of the way."

Ok, that's the story form part of this intensely long post. Now for the update on what's going on in my life: Life is kind of crappy at the moment... I mean, i'm glad to be living with Brad. It's much much better than living with Jacob's family, but everything else seems to be going horribly. I'm stressing out like crazy about paying the few bills we have, and Jacob just lost his job simply because they needed to cut back on staff, so i'm the only one bringing in money until he manages to find another this economy where it's impossible to find a job... Yeah, that's a ton of stress. He insisted on ordering my wedding dress last night though, because he knows how much i want it. "I'll make sure it's all ok, i promise." Those are his exact words. I trust him, but it's hard to believe him on that, ya know? I'm just really worried about it...
Also, i've had to wear my glasses because the stupid eye doctor has been on vacation (or something like that, that i couldn't get an appointment to get my contacts.) I thought i had an appointment today, but then they called and cancelled it. Woo-freakin-hoo! I hate my glasses because i can't see as well with them. I know, not a big deal, but it added to my stressing.
We're also completely broke at the moment. Don't even have gas money until i get paid on friday, so guess what i'm doing. Right! I'm worring about running out of gas on my way to work or home. We didn't have money to buy much safe food for me either, so i'm still eating whatever until we somehow get some money to go grocery shopping, so i'm stressing about not eating right... Yeah, i'm being a drama-queen there in many people's eyes, but you all understand, right?
Also, the car is being stupid. It needs a bunch of parts replaced, which is something else we don't have money for. The window doesn't go up anymore, so it's stuck down until we get a new alternator. Lovely in the rain... So yeah, i'm stressing about the car breaking down because there's a bunch of other stuff that needs replaced on it too.
I'm freaking out because i've got a billion bruises (ok, not a billion but.... let me count... 16) covering my legs and i don't have a clue where they came from. Are there any illnesses that can cause bruises to just appear-or appear easily? I'm worried that something's going on there.
My period has skipped a month now as well, and the pregnancy test (actually two of them) came back negative. I mean, i guess that's good as far as showing me that i'm eating little enough, but... Jacob and i do want a child eventually, but i'm afraid to eat enough to get my period to come back and getting fat so i can have that child... i don't know... Stupid worries there, huh?
Anyway, all that stress has led me to a couple of binges.... Peanut butter is something we do have in our house, and ya'll know how i work when i'm around that stuff... so yeah... Life is kinda stressful for me right now, but i'm trying my best to deal with it. It'll get better soon, right? Right? Oh, i hope so.
I need your hugs and love so i'm sending a ton of my hugs and love out to you all! And now i'm off to try to catch up on your blogs. I LOVE YOU!!!


  1. heyyyy.... anemia.. causes random bruises.. you gotta eat your greens girl.. and take your vitamins.
    if nothing else, since you are a woman of child bearing age, take prenatal vitamins, whether you think you will be able to get preggers or not.. i take mine everyday ;)

    i wear glasses too and i hate them! im too freaked out over things in my eye to wear contacts, but i did suffer with a too weak prescription for a while there- it was awful - i feel your pain!

  2. I don't know about the bruising thing, other than I've heard being anemic and/or an iron deficiency can cause more bruising. I bruise easily & often find little bruises that I have no idea where they came from, but I've always been like that.

  3. I remember how I hated wearing glasses when I ran out of contacts... I wore contacts for 12 years or so, and then I got my eyes "fixed" LOL (I love it btw... best investment I aver made)
    I'm sorry about all this stress you're going through Jo... You're not being a drama-queen, you're struggling through so many things you're more a hero to me for managing to hold on.

    I really hope things will get better for you and Jacob!


  4. Wow, sounds like you've got a lot going on. Although I'm not going through what you are at the moment, I can understand how stressful it would be, and every small little thing, can be a big deal. I find that any type of workout, for however long, can help with the stress though (so it was good that you managed to do your half an hour). I hope things calm down for you a bit, and that Jacob finds a job soon.
    As for the bruises, it's probably anemia/iron deficiency as the others have said.
    All my love and strength to you (because you sound like you need it more than I do),

  5. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time my darling! You totally deserve to be happy and enjoy your time with your lovely fiance. But things can't always be rainbows and butterflies, and I know that you are strong enough to get through anything.

    Thanks for all your support and understanding, I'm sending you some of those virtual hugs right now <3


  6. Ahh. I'm sorry to hear everythings been so rough. On the bright side, at least your not dead, or sometimes when I get stressed I YouTube search "hit in the face" and that usually helps. Haha. It'll all work out, and good job working out. :)

  7. JO! I HAVE BEEN SHAMEFULLY NEGLECTING YOU! I am back from both a physical and a mental vacation which really wasn't that relaxing at all. I missed you and hearing from you and I pray things will get better for you soon. Yes, I'd have to agree with uh Please don't eat me! and Emry, an iron deficiency will cause anemia, which causes you to bruise more frequently and more easily... Can you have some vitamins prescribed if you have your deficiency diagnosed? Sorry I have no clue how health plans work in the US, I'm just a silly Canadian... Please please send pictures of you in that dress :) Or I will just have to come and break into your place and make you try it on at gunpoint mwaha. Anyways I truly hope things get better soon, Canada almost wasn't hit by the recession so I have no clue how hard it must be out there for you. Keep your chin up girl, because there's no way someone with such endearing qualities won't find her way out of that mess. Ana-wise, I guess I'd suggest you try to worry les about food and focus on exercising, because you really don't need that stress right now, you need to prevent binging and just exploding. Wow, quite a long comment... I guess I missed you even more than I thought, heh.

    Write anytime! You have my email ;)

    I missed you so much. And I love you bigger than the sky, always. Take care honey!

  8. hey hun
    i just read your entire blog, start to finish, in one go, this morning and all i can say is you really are gorgeous (in your pctures you look like a model!) and i wish you and Jacob all the best. and I hope that whatever path you choose leads you to happiness cause you deserve it. :)
    much love xx

  9. *cyber hugs*

    I hate wearing glasses, especially in public because I feel like such a nerd :/ but it's better than not being able to read road signs I suppose!

    Crappy car & no money? I hear ya there! My part time job doesn't pay nearly enough (which is why I'm stuck at home ><) and when cars break, it sucks bad trying to fix them!

    Ah man, peanut butter is my weakness too! I freaking love that stuff & it's so hard for me to resist that stuff! But on a good note, it is high in protein =)

  10. ::HUGS!:: Sounds like you're in a tight spot... don't worry too much, you'll get through this! My husband lost 2 jobs in the past two years because of the economy. Another job will always come up, it will just be a little tough until it does. It will get better!

  11. you can always get cheap lenses at costco if you know your prescription. their eye exams are pretty cheap too. try farmers market for cheap fruits and veggies. i know anemia can make you feel pretty crappy too. but i'm no doc. hope you start to feel better lov you

  12. I'm so sorry things are tough right now darling : ( But I PROMISE things will get better. I've been where you're at with the money troubles many times before, but everything WILL work out <333
    Be careful love, you are very strong and I know you'll get threw everything *hugzzzz*


    PS-with the period thing, I lost mine for a while, as I got older though even eating so little my hormones changed and it came back(sometimes). But even having it be sporadic I was still able to get pregnant, so I'm sure you'll be able to have a family one day <3

  13. I don't think you're being a drama queen, everyones aloud to feel down sometimes! Just know it will get better, and you have Jacob to help you through it, right? I just started reading your blog, but from the sounds of it, you two are perfect together.

  14. Anemia causes me to bruise easily. Vitamins, beans and dark leafy greens are best. You've gotta put on some weight if you want to have a baby, underweight moms tend to have premature ill health babies. Sorry about the finances, I've got 40 bucks in the bank and hoping my car will run on air for a while! You're wickedly lucky to have gym equipment at home! USE IT! :) Keep on writing when you can, I'll be reading.

  15. Hey. I'm sorry things aren't going well atm. I'm sending you hundreds of hugs and love!! Stay strong, lovely