Oh my dears, i miss you all so much. Honestly, i've shed a few tears just because i miss you all so much. My thoughts and my heart is with you all.
If i had the energy or presence of mind, i'd give you another enormous post to let you know what all's going on with me... but seeing as it's 3 AM and i'm running on only one bowl of cream of wheat for the entire day, i'm feeling exhausted and lightheaded and not altogether here. But just know this: weight loss is going well, exercise is going well, not eating too much is... semi-acceptable, and life outside of Ana's realm is insane! Seriously, everything has been so complicated and upsetting... but it can only get better, right?
Oh, guess what! I'm about to be married!!! One more day and i'll be Jacob's wife. :) Can't wait. I'll definitely post pictures when i get them and can get to a computer where i can post them. I can't wait to show you all that either.
But yeah... i'm off to try to get some sleep now. I love you all intense amounts! Stay strong and keep on doing well.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Short Update
I'm still around... Just not really able to get to internet access much. I miss you all more than anything in the entire world! Leave me comments and tell me what's new with you. I love you very much!
But yeah... I'm still here... still stressing... Life is crap sometimes, but i'm gonna keep my fingers crossed and it should get better soon. I hope.
Hugs and love to all. Your comments on my last post made me smile when i felt like crying before i read them all. You're all dears.
But yeah... I'm still here... still stressing... Life is crap sometimes, but i'm gonna keep my fingers crossed and it should get better soon. I hope.
Hugs and love to all. Your comments on my last post made me smile when i felt like crying before i read them all. You're all dears.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Ginormous Post
Hello there, lovelies. I've got internet access for a few hours thanks to Jacob's friend (mine too, i suppose, even though i just met him not very long ago), so i'm about to write you all a story form post, and update you all on what's going on, and then try my best to get read up on you all's blogs.
The alarm kept beeping. I groaned and rolled over to hit the snooze button for the hundredth time, but the alarm clock wasn't by my bed where it was last time. "What in the world?" i muttered to myself as i groped blindly to find my glasses.
Then i heard Ana giggling. "Come find your alarm clock, Jo," she challenged me.
I shook my head and laughed a little bit; i knew exactly where she and the alarm clock were. I walked into the room that held the treadmill and all of my other workout equipment. Sure enough, there she was, holding the alarm clock as she sat on the stability ball. She smiled at me and turned the alarm off. "You found me quickly," she observed. "How'd you know where i was?"
"Lucky guess," i replied. "I figured you'd be saying it's time to stop being lazy and start using the workout equipment."
"Right on!" she said with a smile. "Treadmill first?"
I nodded my consent and started my pathetic workout. It only lasted for half an hour, but it'd been so long since i'd done any workout, that that half hour wore me out to the point that i thought i'd be sick. When a half hour was up, i begged Ana to let me quit for the day. She consented only under the agreement that i would NOT stop working out on a daily basis.
I agreed, wanting to build up my strength, and somehow, feel strong again. "I'll get there," i promised myself.
Ana hugged me from behind. "Yes, you will. And i'll be there for you every step of the way."
Ok, that's the story form part of this intensely long post. Now for the update on what's going on in my life: Life is kind of crappy at the moment... I mean, i'm glad to be living with Brad. It's much much better than living with Jacob's family, but everything else seems to be going horribly. I'm stressing out like crazy about paying the few bills we have, and Jacob just lost his job simply because they needed to cut back on staff, so i'm the only one bringing in money until he manages to find another job...in this economy where it's impossible to find a job... Yeah, that's a ton of stress. He insisted on ordering my wedding dress last night though, because he knows how much i want it. "I'll make sure it's all ok, i promise." Those are his exact words. I trust him, but it's hard to believe him on that, ya know? I'm just really worried about it...
Also, i've had to wear my glasses because the stupid eye doctor has been on vacation (or something like that, that i couldn't get an appointment to get my contacts.) I thought i had an appointment today, but then they called and cancelled it. Woo-freakin-hoo! I hate my glasses because i can't see as well with them. I know, not a big deal, but it added to my stressing.
We're also completely broke at the moment. Don't even have gas money until i get paid on friday, so guess what i'm doing. Right! I'm worring about running out of gas on my way to work or home. We didn't have money to buy much safe food for me either, so i'm still eating whatever until we somehow get some money to go grocery shopping, so i'm stressing about not eating right... Yeah, i'm being a drama-queen there in many people's eyes, but you all understand, right?
Also, the car is being stupid. It needs a bunch of parts replaced, which is something else we don't have money for. The window doesn't go up anymore, so it's stuck down until we get a new alternator. Lovely in the rain... So yeah, i'm stressing about the car breaking down because there's a bunch of other stuff that needs replaced on it too.
I'm freaking out because i've got a billion bruises (ok, not a billion but.... let me count... 16) covering my legs and i don't have a clue where they came from. Are there any illnesses that can cause bruises to just appear-or appear easily? I'm worried that something's going on there.
My period has skipped a month now as well, and the pregnancy test (actually two of them) came back negative. I mean, i guess that's good as far as showing me that i'm eating little enough, but... Jacob and i do want a child eventually, but i'm afraid to eat enough to get my period to come back and getting fat so i can have that child... i don't know... Stupid worries there, huh?
Anyway, all that stress has led me to a couple of binges.... Peanut butter is something we do have in our house, and ya'll know how i work when i'm around that stuff... so yeah... Life is kinda stressful for me right now, but i'm trying my best to deal with it. It'll get better soon, right? Right? Oh, i hope so.
I need your hugs and love so i'm sending a ton of my hugs and love out to you all! And now i'm off to try to catch up on your blogs. I LOVE YOU!!!
The alarm kept beeping. I groaned and rolled over to hit the snooze button for the hundredth time, but the alarm clock wasn't by my bed where it was last time. "What in the world?" i muttered to myself as i groped blindly to find my glasses.
Then i heard Ana giggling. "Come find your alarm clock, Jo," she challenged me.
I shook my head and laughed a little bit; i knew exactly where she and the alarm clock were. I walked into the room that held the treadmill and all of my other workout equipment. Sure enough, there she was, holding the alarm clock as she sat on the stability ball. She smiled at me and turned the alarm off. "You found me quickly," she observed. "How'd you know where i was?"
"Lucky guess," i replied. "I figured you'd be saying it's time to stop being lazy and start using the workout equipment."
"Right on!" she said with a smile. "Treadmill first?"
I nodded my consent and started my pathetic workout. It only lasted for half an hour, but it'd been so long since i'd done any workout, that that half hour wore me out to the point that i thought i'd be sick. When a half hour was up, i begged Ana to let me quit for the day. She consented only under the agreement that i would NOT stop working out on a daily basis.
I agreed, wanting to build up my strength, and somehow, feel strong again. "I'll get there," i promised myself.
Ana hugged me from behind. "Yes, you will. And i'll be there for you every step of the way."
Ok, that's the story form part of this intensely long post. Now for the update on what's going on in my life: Life is kind of crappy at the moment... I mean, i'm glad to be living with Brad. It's much much better than living with Jacob's family, but everything else seems to be going horribly. I'm stressing out like crazy about paying the few bills we have, and Jacob just lost his job simply because they needed to cut back on staff, so i'm the only one bringing in money until he manages to find another job...in this economy where it's impossible to find a job... Yeah, that's a ton of stress. He insisted on ordering my wedding dress last night though, because he knows how much i want it. "I'll make sure it's all ok, i promise." Those are his exact words. I trust him, but it's hard to believe him on that, ya know? I'm just really worried about it...
Also, i've had to wear my glasses because the stupid eye doctor has been on vacation (or something like that, that i couldn't get an appointment to get my contacts.) I thought i had an appointment today, but then they called and cancelled it. Woo-freakin-hoo! I hate my glasses because i can't see as well with them. I know, not a big deal, but it added to my stressing.
We're also completely broke at the moment. Don't even have gas money until i get paid on friday, so guess what i'm doing. Right! I'm worring about running out of gas on my way to work or home. We didn't have money to buy much safe food for me either, so i'm still eating whatever until we somehow get some money to go grocery shopping, so i'm stressing about not eating right... Yeah, i'm being a drama-queen there in many people's eyes, but you all understand, right?
Also, the car is being stupid. It needs a bunch of parts replaced, which is something else we don't have money for. The window doesn't go up anymore, so it's stuck down until we get a new alternator. Lovely in the rain... So yeah, i'm stressing about the car breaking down because there's a bunch of other stuff that needs replaced on it too.
I'm freaking out because i've got a billion bruises (ok, not a billion but.... let me count... 16) covering my legs and i don't have a clue where they came from. Are there any illnesses that can cause bruises to just appear-or appear easily? I'm worried that something's going on there.
My period has skipped a month now as well, and the pregnancy test (actually two of them) came back negative. I mean, i guess that's good as far as showing me that i'm eating little enough, but... Jacob and i do want a child eventually, but i'm afraid to eat enough to get my period to come back and getting fat so i can have that child... i don't know... Stupid worries there, huh?
Anyway, all that stress has led me to a couple of binges.... Peanut butter is something we do have in our house, and ya'll know how i work when i'm around that stuff... so yeah... Life is kinda stressful for me right now, but i'm trying my best to deal with it. It'll get better soon, right? Right? Oh, i hope so.
I need your hugs and love so i'm sending a ton of my hugs and love out to you all! And now i'm off to try to catch up on your blogs. I LOVE YOU!!!
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